you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
