bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
