It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Panties = found
Randomize
