remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
