there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
