I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
