I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
