the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
