i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
