I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
