Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
