i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
