Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
