Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
