Just fell off a train. Bad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ttyl tear gas
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
