omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
