we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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