no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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