He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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