He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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