How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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