Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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