I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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