Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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