i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
