in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
