I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
