I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
