we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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