Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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