So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You are a genius and a whore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
