the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
