Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
