when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
