I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
