it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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