I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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