yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
