is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
