Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
