dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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