whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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