Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
