Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
