So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
