Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
