peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
