Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
