If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
