Apparently you make a good broom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
