While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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