His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
