Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
