I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the day after is always just damage control
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
