elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
