apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I cut my penus on the lid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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